


Escape

by justonelastdance



Category: The Silmarillion and other histories of Middle-Earth - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Miscommunication, Past Rape/Non-con, Post-Rescue from Thangorodrim, by which i mean mae thinks all sorts of terrible things but says nothing, can't stop writing about this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-17
Updated: 2021-02-17
Packaged: 2021-03-13 00:02:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,793
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29517801
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/justonelastdance/pseuds/justonelastdance
Summary: After trying to run away from his sickbed, Maitimo expects a cruel punishment.
Relationships: Fingon | Findekáno/Maedhros | Maitimo
Comments: 14
Kudos: 61





	Escape

He stands before the open window, shaking like a leaf. The idea seems impossible, undoable, terrifying, but it's the only chance he's got. He has to hurry. He is alone for the first time he remembers. Maybe they thought he was sleeping or didn't believe he could get out of bed, but the fact is he is alone and he has a chance.

He limps to the window and dares to look out of it. There is no one. He can do it. He has to do it now before anyone returns. He has to get away. He hasn't decided on what to do beyond climbing out, but it doesn't matter. He won't get another chance. He has to act now. He has to hurry. The chair and the table he used to barricade the door aren't going to hold if they decide to force their way in.

As if on cue, the door is pushed from the outside. Maitimo jolts. He has to move before they think to check the window. There is a knock on the door. It's pushed again. 

"Russandol?" 

Maitimo hurriedly scrambles out of the window, trying not to make a sound, though every inch of his body hurts and his shoulder burns. He falls to his knees with a painful gasp, then stands up, leaning against the wall.

"Russandol, are you there?" The voice is panicked. "Open the door, please. Russo? Please open it!"

He is walking as fast as he can. His legs hurt, his shoulder hurts, everything hurts. He still hears the voice calling him. He tries to run, but it's too much for him. He stumbles and falls. His body screams in pain and he bites his lip. The taste of blood in his mouth makes him gag, but it helps him keep silent.

He tries to get back to his feet but has no strength for it. No matter. He is more used to crawling anyway. His right arm is useless, and moving using only his left arm and legs is slow, but he goes forward. Inch by inch, he crawls. 

Behind him there are voices and footsteps, so he tries to move faster, but he can't, it hurts, he's doing his best, but the voices sound closer, and it's still no use. It's no use. They have found him. 

"Russo, stop! Wait!"

He has no chance, but he still keeps crawling. He will be punished worse for not stopping the moment his name was called, but he goes on. The footsteps are rapidly approaching. He expects a boot to land on his ankle. He expects a sharp kick to his ribs. He expects a foot to press down on his back. He expects a hand to grip his hair and pull him up.

He doesn't expect someone to fall down in front of him. He doesn't expect the gentlest touch he has felt in a while, but which still makes him flinch. He doesn't expect to be helped carefully to sit up. He doesn't expect a strong arm to support him when he can't keep upright.

"Are you all right?"

He doesn't expect the question either.

"Finno," he whispers.

"Yes, beloved."

He has to explain himself, but he doesn't know how, doesn't know why he tried to run away. He saw the chance and took it. He didn't stop to think about anything else. He has to explain or there will be an additional punishment for not explaining. They always ask him why, why he did it, why he tried to fight, why he screamed, why he didn't kill when he was ordered to, why he was such a fool, why he begged for mercy, why he didn't beg. He has to explain and it is hard. Sometimes he doesn't know why, sometimes he does know but the words won't come, sometimes they don't believe his explanation.

"Finno," he says desperately.

He can say nothing else. He hopes Findekáno will understand him without words as he does sometimes, hopes Findekáno will know the explanation even if Maitimo himself doesn't.

"Shh," Findekáno says.

Maitimo trembles. It's too late, the time for explanation has passed, he missed his chance, now he has to face the punishment.

He wants to ask what it will be, but it's not allowed. He was so stupid to run. So incredibly stupid. Where would he go? What was he running from? They gave him a real bed, they gave him food, they gave him water whenever he wanted. They didn't hurt him much. And best of all, they didn't touch him _that_ way. Why did he try to run? He doesn't have an explanation even for himself. He deserves what is to come.

He doesn't resist when Findekáno pulls him up to his feet, when Findekáno practically drags him away. He isn't able to resist and he wouldn't even if he could.

He wants to say something, he wants to say _Finno_ again because it's the only thing he feels capable of saying and because when he says it, Findekáno looks at him in a way that makes Maitimo warm inside. But Findekáno told him to shut up and Maitimo's already disobeyed him openly by running, he's not going to do it again.

He wonders where Findekáno is taking him and when he looks up and realizes that they are going back, cold terror shoots up his spine. Findekano's taking him back, back to the room with the bed. Maitimo would take a cell and shackles, he would take the whip, the rack, the pincers. He would take anything but that.

He can't help the whine that escapes his throat. His legs turn to jelly and he falls, but Findekáno catches him, jostling his right shoulder. Maitimo cries out, even though he didn't want to, it was an accident, and he's so sorry, so sorry for making a sound when Findekáno told him to shut up, he didn't mean to, he couldn't help it. And he wants to tell him that, he wants to explain, he has already disobeyed the order, so it's better to explain, but his throat is closed up and he can't, he can't.

Findekáno calls for help. Someone comes, and together with Findekáno, they drag Maitimo to the room with the bed. They are tears on Maitimo's face and he hates it and he can't help it. He has this coming. He had a good thing and he ruined it. Findekáno was kind enough to let him be, to let him have a bed without any demands, was ready to wait until Maitimo recovers, but it's over now, even Findekáno's patience has limits, which Maitimo had to go and test. He has it coming. No one else is to blame but him.

They put him on the bed. His bandages are being changed. He must be bleeding from somewhere. He hasn't noticed.

There are other people too, but he has eyes only for Findekáno. Will he be the first? Will he let the others have a go? Will he stay and watch? Maitimo can't bear it if he stays, if he sees him, hears him like that. Just thinking about it makes him burn with shame, makes his chest hurt, makes him choke from hopelessness. But if he leaves, Maitimo will be alone, and it terrifies him, and he wants to beg Findekáno to hold him while the others take him, but he doesn't want him to see and he doesn't want him to leave, and his heart is going to burst out of his chest, and he doesn't realize he's weeping until Findekáno shushes him and wipes away his tears. 

They are alone, he hasn't noticed how the others left, but he's so relieved. If it's only Findekáno, he can bear it, it won't be so bad, he can take it.

Findekáno brings a cup to his lips. It's water with a strange aftertaste. Maitimo knows what it is. It will make his heartbeat slower, it will make him drowsy and make him relax. That's good. It won't hurt much if he relaxes, he's always been told so, but relaxing is difficult, so he's grateful for the potion.

Findekáno lies him down and covers him. 

"You scared me," he says.

Maitimo never wanted it. It was the last thing he wanted. He doesn't know what he wanted, doesn't remember why running away seemed a good idea, but he never wanted to hurt Findekáno. 

"No, Russo, please. I didn't mean to upset you. Please, don't cry. It's over. It's done. You are here now."

Is he crying again? He must be. Findekáno touches his cheeks and only then Maitimo feels that they are wet. He won't cry. Findekáno told him not to, so he won't.

"It was my own fault for leaving you alone," Findekáno says.

What? Why is Findekáno blaming himself for something Maitimo did. He tries to shake his head and finds it heavy. His limbs and even his eyelids are heavy too, but it's not unpleasant. He might be quite relaxed already. This won't be too bad. 

"Sleep, Russo, it has been a hard day," Findekáno says with a smile.

Oh, how Maitimo loves his smile. He smiles so rarely now, and Maitimo knows that it, too, is his fault. Maybe he will smile again during the punishment. Many do. But he said... Only now the meaning of Findekáno's words reaches Maitimo. He ordered Maitimo to sleep. But what about... Will it happen after Maitimo wakes up or while he's asleep? Maitimo hopes it's the latter. If he's sleeping deeply enough, sometimes he won't even wake up when they take him. 

Was that what Findekáno meant? It's a greater mercy than Maitimo deserves, so it's hard to believe. He stares at Findekáno quizzically.

"You are safe," Findekáno says. He's said it so many times, but Maitimo still forgets. "I will keep you safe. I promised you, Russo, didn't I? You only have to sleep and eat and get stronger. Don't worry about anything else. No one will hurt you. No more pain. I promise."

Maitimo isn't sure he understands how or why he won't be hurt, but relief still spreads through his veins like a lightning bolt and makes him boneless. Findekáno said there would be no punishment, not now anyway. Maybe they will postpone it until Maitimo is stronger, but that day is still far away. He glances at Findekáno.

"Finno," he says because he can.

He is rewarded with a smile. Two smiles in a day despite the trouble Maitimo has caused. That's something to treasure. Maitimo falls asleep with the warm memory of those smiles and with one on his own face, believing that for now, he is truly safe.


End file.
